One of the elements in our human paradigm is the desire to
be right about our point of view. Although being right feels good, it is not
innate. We inherited the desire from our parents. They rewarded us for giving
right answers. When we reached school, our teachers reinforced that same
philosophy; we were rewarded with A’s for giving right answers and coloring
between the lines.
be right about our point of view. Although being right feels good, it is not
innate. We inherited the desire from our parents. They rewarded us for giving
right answers. When we reached school, our teachers reinforced that same
philosophy; we were rewarded with A’s for giving right answers and coloring
between the lines.
While the feeling of being right is euphoric for some, there
are others who gain attention and recognition by being a rebel. That can take
the form of being the class clown to being the delinquent. In either case, each
person takes the position that their way is right – funny, smart, delinquent,
etc.
are others who gain attention and recognition by being a rebel. That can take
the form of being the class clown to being the delinquent. In either case, each
person takes the position that their way is right – funny, smart, delinquent,
etc.
However, at some point, being right
works against us. In
fact, it is at the source of many problems in society, including divorce, wars
and crime. Once we take a position, we believe our way of thinking is right
which means the other parties are wrong. What makes matters worse is that we
will justify our actions at all costs. In addition, we will find people who
will take our side as a way to further our justification.
Except, in the face of being right, we fail to see that we
are giving up success, opportunity, love, happiness, etc. For what? Being right
is a way to ensure we look good or avoid looking bad. Furthermore, looking good
is how we survive in a world filled with ups and downs. As long as we look
good, we can avoid negative consequences.
are giving up success, opportunity, love, happiness, etc. For what? Being right
is a way to ensure we look good or avoid looking bad. Furthermore, looking good
is how we survive in a world filled with ups and downs. As long as we look
good, we can avoid negative consequences.
Also, being right allows us to avoid the responsibility of creating
the lives we claim we want. We get to say ‘you don’t understand. I am just the
victim of that person. They did____ to me. Now I am left with no choice but to
____’. This way of thinking allows us to justify negative behavior even if it
means abusing drugs and alcohol.
the lives we claim we want. We get to say ‘you don’t understand. I am just the
victim of that person. They did____ to me. Now I am left with no choice but to
____’. This way of thinking allows us to justify negative behavior even if it
means abusing drugs and alcohol.
As long as we continue to justify our position, we get to be
right. And anyone who disagrees with us is attacked and removed from our list
of friends.
right. And anyone who disagrees with us is attacked and removed from our list
of friends.
Unless we were born of superhuman parents who endowed us
with the powers to overcome that way of thinking, this is the human paradigm
that was handed down to each of us. Therefore, it is hopeless to pretend we are
above it.
with the powers to overcome that way of thinking, this is the human paradigm
that was handed down to each of us. Therefore, it is hopeless to pretend we are
above it.
Those who try to escape it by being perfect are going deeper
because they are trying to avoid being dominated by the human paradigm. By
doing so, they are being right.
because they are trying to avoid being dominated by the human paradigm. By
doing so, they are being right.
With that thought, it appears hopeless to shed this part of
ourselves. Yet, there is hope in the hopelessness. It only requires us to take
actions that are counterintuitive in our existing paradigm. One way is to go
into the abyss of our own thinking processes and tell on ourselves. Instead of
looking outside of ourselves and blaming others, we would benefit by admitting
our desire to be right. For example, say to the other parties, ‘in this moment,
I am more interested in being right. In fact, I can barely hear what you are
saying to me because in my head I can only hear how I will defend myself to
make you wrong. I can’t help it and I do it often.’
ourselves. Yet, there is hope in the hopelessness. It only requires us to take
actions that are counterintuitive in our existing paradigm. One way is to go
into the abyss of our own thinking processes and tell on ourselves. Instead of
looking outside of ourselves and blaming others, we would benefit by admitting
our desire to be right. For example, say to the other parties, ‘in this moment,
I am more interested in being right. In fact, I can barely hear what you are
saying to me because in my head I can only hear how I will defend myself to
make you wrong. I can’t help it and I do it often.’
The moment we take that perspective we experience the
freedom of choice as well as a form of self-mastery. In no way am I suggesting
you have to be wrong to get along. I assert that the choice is between being
right or listening to the other parties and committing to an outcome that is in
the best interest of everyone.
freedom of choice as well as a form of self-mastery. In no way am I suggesting
you have to be wrong to get along. I assert that the choice is between being
right or listening to the other parties and committing to an outcome that is in
the best interest of everyone.
While the rewards of being right are tremendous, as you can
see, if carried too far, the cost can lead to divorce, homelessness or even
death. Now that you have a new set of tools, what will you choose?
see, if carried too far, the cost can lead to divorce, homelessness or even
death. Now that you have a new set of tools, what will you choose?
What do you think? I’m open to ideas. Or if you want to
write me about a specific topic, let me know.
write me about a specific topic, let me know.